After the big adventure with the car break down in Gary, Indiana we were finally on our way and headed off to Great Lakes, Illinois for the Navy graduation of 1000 young sailors.  What an experience. 

So many years ago I ached to attend my son’s graduation and there was just no possible way I could.  Obligation to younger children and financial issues made it plainly impossible.  I felt so bad missing his big day but was so relieved when he showed up at my front door the next day for a weeks leave!   After I lost him I thought about that big day so many times and regretted not being able to find a way to share it with him.  Now, nearly 10 yrs later through the thoughtfulness of Captain Sam of the NYC Navy Command and Sarah from the Training Command in Great Lakes I was finally able to attend the graduation I never had a chance to experience.  It was filled with as much excitement and joy as I had expected and such a deep sense of pride in these young people who had now become young women and men of service.  They, the ones who represented less than 1 percent of our countries population, will defend our countries freedoms from the sea.  As I watched them march into the long great hall I couldn’t help but reflect upon all that this moment represented to me, country, pride and sadly deep sorrow that my boy and I never had the chance to share this special moment together.

I loved him so, I know he knew that, but when the moment finally arrived as the one in charge dismissed the sailors for leave following the ceremony, my heart felt like it was breaking inside and even though I remained composed through the entire ceremony there did finally come the moment (privately) when I could just no longer hold the tears back and they fell uncontrollably all on their own.

I miss my boy so much.  After all this time somehow I just thought it would be so different….it’s not.  I’m doing the best I can.  Nope, it’s probably not the best by some standards and I may never be ok again, but I’m trying….and I’ll do my best and hope he’s proud of me…too.

Before I finally left I looked around the huge hall for a sailor that had no one to greet him. One like my boy would have been and what I realized was that this was a happy day, one so filled with joy and pride of accomplishment that those who had no family present would share with each other until they could return home.  There really was no proper place for a Gold Star Mother, so I quietly watched and smiled at them all and offered my sincere congratulations for their accomplishments.  Then I left…..and it hurt….like it was that very day and I ached to hug my own Sailor and tell him how very proud I am of him and how much I love him….just once more.

Thank you so much Sarah and Captain Sam for making this possible. This experience allowed me such closure.  Thank you CorkyJo for understanding and for giving all that you did for the sake of others, your country and especially so many times, for your brother, sister and me.